Breaking Free from the Roles We Play - Finding the Authentic 'You'
Do you ever feel as your life is like playing a virtual reality game, or you're in a film, and you've been given various roles you can choose to play? The husband/partner. The father. The business owner. The manager. The trusted friend. The problem solver with all the answers. The list goes on.
We carry these labels and identities every day, almost like costumes, adapting our behaviour to fit the script and the story. These roles are important in the context of our lives, but they are not the full story of who we are, as individuals, with our own unique qualities. Beyond the surface level roles we play, there's a truer, purer version of you. The real 'you', stripped of the expectations, the labels, and societal pressure to achieve 'success'.
The challenge for everyone is that getting to know the truest, most authentic version of yourself doesn’t happen on it's own. It takes a conscious decision to choose that path, with an urge to explore and move away from the safety of your comfort zone
My Own Story of Coming Back to Me
Going back to 2020, when the world changed, Like everyone else, I was stuck at home watching the chaos unfold on TV. Most of my recruitment work was on hold, there were no Leeds games to go to, all my planned gigs were cancelled, I couldn't play football, and trips to the pub with my mates weren't an option.
At first, I was frustrated, just sitting at home waiting, impatiently for 'normal' life to resume. But eventually, I had to ask myself, 'what is it I'm waiting for'?
All the things that I thought defined who I was, like a recruiter, a Leeds fan, a music lover, a bloke down the pub...they were all defunct. And that forced me to take a really long hard look at myself in a way I had never had the need to before.
I realised, with a powerful epiphany, that my identity wasn’t attached to these external roles. There was so much more to me than the habits of everyday life and the expectations I'd created for myself, over time. This realisation set me on a journey of exploring myself, and the world around us, with a whole new mindset.
It led to a period of profound personal change, and growth (also for the family), and we relocated from Leeds to Bentham, based in the rural Craven district of North Yorkshire. I reconnected with my passion and talent for art, as well as appearing on stage, in the local village pantomime, for the first time since primary school.
It's human nature for us to crave comfort, security, and familiarity, so why step out of your comfort zone when you don’t have to? Why even think for yourself if someone else will do it for you and tell you what to do? But real growth and empowerment happens when we dare to strip back those layers and think about who we are below the surface level things we attach ourselves to.
Why does this even matter? Well, because staying trapped in these roles can feel like living on a treadmill of monotonous mediocrity. We do what's expected without stopping to question whether it actually makes us happy or fulfilled. You might tick all the externally approved boxes of what defines 'success', but inside you, there's a nagging feeling that something’s missing, even if you are trying really hard to deny it.
Something we don't openly address enough, is the impact of what it means to be a 'man' or definitions of 'masculinity'. They often come with heavy expectations and the burden of certain responsibilities. To be emotionally strong, probably the main income earner. To always have the answers, to solve the problems, never show any weakness. These messages are ingrained in us from an early age, and can manifest throughout our lives, as boys, adolescents, and men, in unhealthy and undesirable ways.
I see it all the time: "I have a great job, a wonderful family, and a comfortable life. So why do I still feel so stuck and restless?" It's because those externally defined boxes don't truly represent who you are. They don’t address the core of your being, your soul, and the part of you that longs to be seen, heard, to feel joy.
It's hard to truly know who you are when you've spent your life playing by society’s rules, climbing the career ladder, being the main income provider, following all the 'rules'. But what if those roles aren’t who you really are? Letting go of that conditioning is really uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to find out who you are beneath it all. And that’s where freedom lives.
So how do you let go of these roles and reconnect with who you truly are?
5 Ways to Begin Reconnecting with the Real Version of You
Journal: Writing is one of the best ways to connect with your inner guidance or 'higher self'. Set aside 10 minutes a day to write down your thoughts without any filter or expectations. Ask yourself powerful questions or simply write what you are feeling and thinking.
Revisit Your Childhood Interests: Think back to when you were a kid. What lit you up before the world told you who you had to be and forced you to follow the rules? Was it painting, playing football or another sport, dancing or performing, building things, or just getting lost in your imagination?
Say Yes to More Things: It’s easy to get stuck in a routine, doing the same things every day. But growth and self-discovery happen when you push outside of your comfort zone. Say yes to something that makes you feel uncomfortable and see what happens.
Seek Honest and Open Conversations: Sometimes we’re too close to ourselves to see the bigger picture. That’s where trusted friends and family come in. Talk to the people who you really trust and who know the real you. Open yourself up about how you feel about yourself, about your life, and see what they say. What qualities to your friends see in you?
Mindful Moments: Create time just for yourself. No distractions, no obligations, no social media, just you. Go for a walk, sit quietly, try meditation, or simply let your mind wander and see where it takes you.
Why Does This Matter?
You might be thinking, what is the point of all this self-reflection? I don't need this, I know who I am! Life is busy, I need to get things done. I need to 'achieve' things. Why do I need to spend time on self-reflection and introspection?
The thing is, when you reconnect with your true self, everything else in your life starts to align and you feel good. You make better decisions, your relationships improve, and you find a sense of peace and purpose that no external 'success' can provide.
You become the kind of person who isn't just going through the motions but living with intention and authenticity.
Final Thoughts:
Life isn’t about giving up all of the roles we play in everyday life. They’re a big part of who we are and what is important to us. But when we hold onto these labels too tightly, we lose touch with the person underneath.
The world doesn't need a better version of your job title or profession, or your perceived role in society. It needs YOU in your purest form.
So, what is the one step you can take today to reconnect with the real you?
I'd love to read your comments if this resonated or if you have your own way of breaking free from the labels and the expectations.
Let's Connect
If you're ready to dig deeper or just want to chat about your own experiences, feel free to reach out:
📧 Email: [richard@richardnaylorcoach.co.uk 📱 Phone: [07837 657001] 🌐 Website: [www.richardnaylorcoach.co.uk] 💬 DM me on LinkedIn.