Letting Go of the 'Should': Living Life on Your Own Terms
In life there comes a point (there has to come a point) where you stop and ask yourself: Does this feel right? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing? I don't mean in the sense of following some sort of culturally constructed rulebook, but on a deeper, personal, more intuitive level. On a level that so many of us have become completely detached from, to the point of living in denial.
From early childhood, we are subtly (and at times not so subtly) conditioned away from our natural instincts. At school, we are taught to sit still, to memorise vast swathes of information we’ll never use, to regurgitate it in exams so that others can take credit. We are trained to conform, to obey, and to say yes to things that feel like they go completely against our true instincts. But because we are so young when this process begins, we don’t see the system for what it is. A slow, relentless process of eroding our intuition and shaping us into people who fit neatly into the roles society has already decided for us. We become clones and robots.
We drift, believing we are making choices. We pick a degree and choose a career. We settle into a life that feels secure and safe. After all, security is everything! That’s what we’ve been told. The world is dangerous, unpredictable, and full of risks, so stability is the main aim in life. We build identities around our professions, our job titles, our responsibilities, because they feel safe. Even when something inside us whispers that this isn’t it, that something is missing, we ignore it. Because questioning the life we’ve built means confronting an uncomfortable scenario: Was it ever really ours to begin with?
The world is so much more than living in fear of what might happen and clinging to the safety of your job. The world is what you make of it. You can shape your life however you want to, but that’s a terrifying prospect when you’ve spent decades, being conditioned to do what’s expected of you. A society built on conformity and obedience needs people who believe life is hard, that success looks a certain way, that deviating from the script is reckless, selfish and irresponsible. That’s why so many of us live by invisible rules:
I should want this job because it’s prestigious.
I should stay in this job because it’s what I trained for.
I should aspire to own this, to achieve that, to follow this path..etc.
But none of these ‘shoulds’ are really your own beliefs. They’ve been ingrained in you, passed down from a system designed to keep you in place. To keep you 'small'. Many people will never question this, because doing so means admitting they’ve spent years, or decades, following a path that wasn’t truly theirs. That kind of realisation is painful. So they stay the course, convincing themselves that this is just how life works.
But if you’ve read this far, some part of you is already questioning, and questioning is where the freedom begins. It's the start of a new world.
Are You Living Life on Your Terms? A 5-Question Challenge:
If money, status, and opinions didn’t matter, what would you be doing with your life?
When was the last time you made a decision based purely on gut instinct, not logic, obligation, or expectation?
Do you feel deeply fulfilled by your daily life, or are you just moving through the motions?
Are your biggest life choices based on what you actually want, or what you believe you should want?
If you had to rebuild your life from scratch today, how much of it would look the same?
Turning Awareness into Action
Recognising the 'shoulds' in your life is the first step, but what comes next? How do you start making choices that reflect you rather than what's expected of you? Here are a few practical steps:
Pause before saying yes. Before committing to something, ask yourself: Do I actually want to do this, or do I feel like I should?
Experiment with small changes. Shift your routine, explore a new hobby or interest, or say no to something that drains you. The small changes create momentum shift in your mindset.
Listen to your gut. The more you tune into what feels right (and wrong), the better you’ll get at making choices that align with who you really are. Just feel the feeling and switch off the mind.
Challenge expectations. If you catch yourself thinking, But I have to, ask yourself: Says who? Where did that belief come from? It's the starting point for rebuilding your belief system.
Surround yourself with people who support your growth. Change is easier when you're not doing it alone. If you can find others who embrace exploring their own growth, it makes it easier to do the same, and feel good about it.
If those questions have made you think, that's a good thing. That means there’s something worth exploring, because letting go of ‘should’ isn’t about being selfish, or reckless, it’s about taking responsibility. It’s about reclaiming your own instincts and intuition, your own path, and having the courage to ask: What if there’s more?