For the Boys and Girls of Today, We Must Break the Chains for the Men and Women of Tomorrow

Parenting isn’t easy. We don't use a textbook. Our only real guide is how we were raised, and if you’re anything like me, you can probably spot flaws in your upbringing. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and whether or not you have a relationship with your parents now, you’ve likely thought, I’d have done things differently.

But you’re not them. However clear your childhood memories feel, there were probably factors at play you’ll never fully understand. Can you cut your parents some slack and let go of the what were they thinking? mindset?

Now it’s your turn. And it’s time for a clean slate. But the challenge you face, is that you’re conditioned to parent in the same way you were parented. It happens like a reflex reaction, unless you consciously decide to break the cycle.

This article is focusing on the dads role. I’m a dad. I have a dad. And this is Men’s Needs, after all. But at its core, this is about raising boys and girls with real connection, together, not divided.

Comparing Ourselves to Our Own Parents

Are you chasing business goals or getting caught up in your work responsibilities, just like your dad did? Are you focused on being the main income earner because that’s the role your own dad played? And is that focus distracting you from building genuine connection with your own children?

Right now, is your role as a dad mostly about keeping things ticking over, handling the day-to-day basics, making sure everything runs smoothly? Are you working towards the big, one-off holidays that look great on Facebook but vanish as quickly as they come along?

Or are you truly connecting with your children? Do you know the names of their friends? Do you know what excites them, what they dream about? Do you know their fears?

Your children need your full presence. Your energy. Your attention. Your love. Your leadership. They need you to break the cycle of distant, emotionally unavailable fatherhood that so many of us grew up with, when societal expectations were a little different.

Breaking the 'Ancestral Chains'

We often default to the parenting habits we were exposed to. Maybe your dad worked all hours, to sustain your family, but never really saw you. Maybe he was around, but his presence was distant, his attention elsewhere. Maybe emotions weren’t talked about, love wasn’t actively shown, and ‘being a man’ meant ‘getting on with it.’

That stops with us, now!

If we don’t break this cycle, we will hand down the same emotional gaps to our children. The gender stereotypes will continue. And before we know it, we’ll have raised another generation of boys, who become men, who struggle to connect, to express, to be fully present. We know the mental health narrative behind this.

Your Kids Absorb Everything

The energy you transmit, the vibe you bring home, the messages you put out...your kids will take it all on as theirs. Your struggles aren’t external to you, they are part of you. If your children become distant, anxious, or reactive, you can ask yourself, what energy are you putting into the home environment? Is your negative energy impacting on them?

You may think you're working hard for them, but what they really want is you. Not just a version of you that's tired, detached, stressed or burnt out.

Be the Role Model You May Not Have Had

Success isn’t just about financial achievement and career progression. It’s about being the kind of dad who can proactively contribute towards nurturing confident, emotionally expressive, kind and loving children. Boys need to see what it truly means to be a man who can express themselves emotionally, not just a successful one, with the superficial materialistic gains which massage the ego. Equally so, girls need to feel a dad who treats them, and women around them, with love, equality and respect. If we don’t change the cycle now, who else will?

The Future Is on Us

We, as business owners, entrepreneurs, and career-driven men/dads, must set the example, today. We must show our children that success isn’t about burnout, absent parenting, or missing out on their childhood. It’s about balance, presence, connection and love.

Because if you don’t show up now, you might find them spending their adult lives searching for the approval, love, and connection they never got from you. You may find them thinking the same things you think about your own parents, if you do still hold any of those 'I would have done things differently', thought patterns.

How to Make Sure You’re Really There

Here are some practical ways to ensure you’re fully present for your children, balancing the focus of your career success with being the dad they need:

🔹 Set Boundaries with Work & Tech – Establish clear times when work is off-limits. No emails at the dinner table, no work calls during family time, and no ‘quick checks’ on your phone when you’re meant to be engaged with your kids. Have a day at the weekend when you leave your phone in a drawer.

🔹 Create One-on-One Time – Schedule time with each child individually. It doesn’t have to be an indulgent day out. It could be just a walk, a bedtime chat, some baking, or a game of football in the park. What matters is your full attention, without distractions.

🔹 Have Daily Check-Ins – Ask about their day. Not just ‘How was school?’ but real, open-ended questions. Show interest in their world. Ask them about their relationships. Allow them the space to tell you things which will surprise you.

🔹 Model the Behaviour You Want to See – Show them that by even pursuing success in your career, it isn’t about neglecting family time, or the importance of your own time. Demonstrate how to create balance and prioritise relationships. By creating the boundaries that work for you all, they will learn this and strive towards living the same way.

🔹 Work for a Company That Gets It – If your employer doesn’t respect your role as a father, maybe it’s time to find one that does. Your time with your kids isn’t something to ‘fit in’, it’s fundamental to their futures. If you are a business owner, or involved in leadership, you will have more control over this, so make sure you make good decisions where you put your energy.

Your children will only be young once. They need you now, not ‘one day when things settle down' or 'are less hectic at work'.

So, 'Dad', what are you doing about it now?

If this resonates with you and you're ready to take action, reach out. You can contact me at richard@richardnaylorcoach.co.uk or drop me a DM on LinkedIn. Let’s make sure you’re showing up in the way your kids truly need.